The Distancing Diaries - 6th & 7th July, 2021

 On Tuesday morning after a soggy wander around the garden foraging for redcurrants and strawberries, I did my Wii Fit workout and swept the downstairs rugs. With a wet and dismal day forecast, Jon suggested we drove over to our favourite charity-shopping town. I was dressed in minutes!

And out came the glorious tomato dress.

Other than a shower on the way there, it turned out to be a dry, if a little breezy, day.  On the way there I asked Jon what he'd most like to find in a charity shop that day if he could organise it with the charity shopping gods to which he replied, some Clarks' Originals in my size. Obviously, no charity shopper in their right mind goes out looking for anything specific. Focus on one thing and you miss treasure but, would you credit it? The first thing Jon found had to be a pair of Clarks' Originals in a size 10.

Clarks' Originals are different to your standard Clarks' shoe. This range is based on the shoemaker's origins and features reissued designs from Clarks' past, often in collaboration with iconic labels like Harris Tweed and Levis and a lot more pricey. The original retail price for these cord desert boots was £130 (the tags were still attached) - Jon paid £5!

Pickings were slim until we got to our favourite chazza - the clearance one! The staff know us by name and let us leave all our finds behind the counter so we can rummage the rails unencumbered, bagging everything up and giving us the total when we've finished. Five-star service.

What did we find? Clockwise from the top left: 1980s mohair & wool jumper; 1960s green vinyl bag; 1980s novelty sweater; 1970s cream wool maxi coat; 1980s Thai silk jacket (inspired by Dominque's green shirt in The Serpent!); 1970s cotton velvet blazer; Hugo Boss jacket; 1980s leather biker waistcoat; 1960s gents' car coat with fake fur collar.

And there's more! Clockwise from top left: 1970s crochet longline waistcoat; 1980s straw hat by BHS Millinery; 1970s Kerena cotton velvet braided waistcoat; 1940s rayon maternity smock; 1970s sheepskin coat; 1980s suede blouson jacket; 1970s Wolseley lurex polo neck bodysuit ( mine!) and a 1960s wool hobble skirt by Dereta.

After I'd chucked our finds into the machine back at home, we had a bowl of noodles and Jon got stuck into changing Gilbert's sparkplugs. A few people assume that when social distancing comes to an end on 19th July it'll be business as usual for Kinky Melon. Wrong! Only one of our regular festivals is going ahead this year and as it isn't until September I realised that I needed to get my summery stock out and on eBay otherwise it'll have been packed away for almost two years by the time it sees the light of day again.

I had a rummage in the Kinky Shed, found out all the lightweight floaty gear and managed to find a dress I thought I'd lost in the process. After ironing everything I hammered a couple of nails into the side of the Kinky Shed, using it as a backdrop for my photos and then uplisted everything to eBay, selling three items immediately.

Jon managed to sort out Gilbert and his engine was purring like a kitten - he's a clever lad! We celebrated with an ice-cold beer before tucking into pizza and salad. After a two-day break football was back on the TV and we watched the thrilling Italy vs Spain match which went into extra time and then penalties. Once again we were emotionally overwrought by bedtime.

I woke at 5am on Wednesday morning realising it was less than 15 hours till England play Denmark in the semi-finals of Euro 2020.  I was so nervous I couldn't get back to sleep so got up and ironed some more summer stock ready to upload to eBay. I'd just finished my Wii Fit workout and had wrapped my sales when Jon emerged. After breakfast, he took Young Kim off to the garage to be tweaked before his retest. I took photos of skirts in the garden and listed them on eBay.

Jon got a taxi back and set to work scrubbing Gilbert. Bristling with nervous energy I continued rifling through the Kinky Shed, ironing and photographing stock before measuring and uploading the listings to eBay.

After a break for noodles, the garage called to say the Young Kim had passed his MOT so Jon got a taxi back over to collect him, swinging via the supermarket for some treats for later. I continued with my listing frenzy and by 4pm, I'd ironed, photographed, measured, written descriptions for & uploaded seventy garments.

I'd like to say the activity had helped settle my nerves but, as is traditional on a match day, I had to have an England football anthem disco and now we're both jittery wrecks. Even Fat Les hasn't helped. Incidentally, Paul Kaye's wearing Clarks' Originals in his spoof of The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony and rumours that the bloke in the nappy is our illustrious leader, Bojo, are completely unfounded (maybe they could remake the video if  when we win.)

It was a day of occasional sunshine, warmth and far-too-frequent blasts of torrential rain. I swear I can see the nasturtiums growing before my very eyes!

We're still rewatching The Serpent and the headscarf love continues. The silk scarf and vintage patchwork maxi skirt are charity shop finds, the cheesecloth blouse was an eBay buy last year. 

Tea was quiche with salad washed down with a beer - no doubt the first of many!

Name dropping alert! Back in my corporate years, I was lucky enough to organise the catering for Gareth Southgate who, while still playing for Aston Villa, held monthly motivational talks for some of Birmingham's aspiring young entrepreneurs. I can honestly say he was one of the most courteous, genuine and loveliest people I ever had the privilege to meet and made a point of thanking every member of my team from the head chef to the kitchen porter after every event. He's an amazing man, no wonder England adores him.

Two hours till kick-off! I'm off to have a shower and get my red bikini on...let's hope it's lucky again tonight!

Come on, England!!!