Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Bikinis, Beaches and Bollywood - Xmas My Way

Sod the party dress. I thought I'd light the fire, try out my latest eBay purchase and recreate some of the magic from previous years because the happiest Xmases are always spent in bikinis.

Agonda, South Goa on Xmas Day 2005. We rented a coco hut on the beach, packed a single set of clothes and wore nothing on our feet for weeks. We woke when the sun came up and slept when it became too dark to read by candlelight. We ate whatever the owner had bought from the market, cauliflower roasted in a tandoori oven fashioned from an old oil drum, fluffy rotis dotted with chilli, & paneer and pineapple kebabs, washed down with fiery cashew nut fenni. The beach was empty so we'd strip off and skinny dip, our audience being a school of dolphins and the occasional sea otter. 

This was Alleppey beach, Kerala on Xmas day 2008. Laughing kids shimmied up palm trees to bring us fresh coconuts on demand whilst we sat in the shade swigging rum from the bottle with a group of toothless, thong-clad fishermen. Westerners were a novelty to the locals, each in turn stopping to practice the few English phrases they'd remembered from their school days, Hello! How are you? What is your good name? Where are you coming from? The further we walked along the beach, the more our entourage grew.

With memories like that tinsel, TV specials and roast turkey dinners are about as appealing as a drunk bloke in a tracksuit wielding a branch of mistletoe.

Tomorrow, after exchanging presents (I tried to stick to the £15 allocated budget but blew it by £2, tut tut), the two of us be eating beetroot and goats cheese rostis with dauphinoise potatoes, pureed carrot & swede, honey & mustard roasted parsnips and sprouts tossed in sesame seeds. There will be a Bollywood movie and The Bombay Royale will be blasting from the stereo.

In the evening I'll dust off some of our retro partyware ready for my brother and Jon's oldest friend, Tony. They'll bring the booze and we'll provide fancy cheese, crackers, pickles, olives and nuts. We'll play punk, new wave and ska with a liberal dose of the Smiths until the early hours, then we'll send them on their way and crash into bed.

Just to prove that I can do traditional, here I am with greenery on the mantelpiece, resplendent in vintage velvet, feathers and bastard massive bauble earrings....

I knew those PVC thigh boots and sequined stripper knickers would come in useful one day.

Look, I've even composed a festive verse.....

'Twas the night before Christmas and all thro' the land,
Bloggers posed by their trees, Cava in hand;
Their wish lists were posted and labelled with care,
In hopes that their gifts soon would be there;
The onesies were laid out all snug on their beds,
While visions of Prawn Rings danc'd in their heads,
And he in Xmas jumper, and her in sequins,
Settled down to watch Love Actually for the evening
When out from the hall there arose such a clatter,
The pair spilled their Advocaat to see what was the matter.
From the lounge to the dining room they flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and saw something awful.
The tree had collapsed from one too many vintage baubles.

Whether you're a traditionalist or a subversive, a rampant atheist or a god botherer here's to you surviving 25th December.

See you on the other side!


  1. Only you could do Christmas like this! Sequinned knickers! What would be in your crackers?...
    Thanks for starting my morning with a big smile...
    Love Jan

  2. Stripper pants and thigh boots...the perfect Christmas apparel! Particularly on a bod as fab as yours! (Not such a good look on someone my size!!!)
    Beautiful photos with lovely stories; thanks for sharing.
    Have a wonderful time you 2. Lots of love,
    Z & A xxxx

  3. I thought I was going to be first!! hehe, never mind! Vix you are a flaming legend with the hottest bod! your traditional outfit is quite marvelous, I think I want a pair of stripper knickers, necessary for the Christmas dancing and occasional flash! Have a fab tomorrow, Merry Christmas x x x

  4. Now that I've stopped laughing....Merry Christmas(and yes, neither of us are religious) You look awesome in your new bikini!

    Love the knee boots and panties, Santa's in for a treat!

  5. It all sounds like the perfect way to spend the holidays. That vintage velvet maxi is one of my fave prints of yours.
    Round here, we've got a 1960s Indian film and chestnuts for roasting waiting for tomorrow evening.

  6. I really LOVE the way that you and I are total opposites on the weather scale. Someone has to do summer, and you truly shine! Enjoy. x

  7. Ooh, you naughty girl in your outfit, will Santa be good to you? :) Killer bikini too! We're not going that traditional this year. Cheese fondue (as per the local menu) tonight, vegetarian tomorrow, and probably something more traditional English with friends on the 26th. Your plans sound fun - a very Merry Christmas to you and Jon! Xoxo

  8. Ooh you sauce pot! Those boots look amazing! Jon's in for a Christmas treat!
    Have a wonderful veggie feast and enjoy partying with your friends and family. xxx

  9. wouuu, you rock so much wearing your bikinis and your feathers and thigh boots with your usual sassiness!!, gorgeous and absolutely Fabulous!!
    Our plans for xmas are just to stay at home with my parents, both of them have caught a cold and Mr.A. is still on a diet, so I'm cooking some soup!, wouuu, it's going to be a Total Party!. Anyway, we will enjoy it!
    besos & best wishes

  10. Have a wonderful Christmas Vix x

  11. I'm gonna come crash your party!!!!

  12. I'm with Becky - I want to be there and I'll bring my own nuts! Happy, happy Christmas to you and Jon and you look gorge in your new bikini. xoxo

  13. Happy 25th of December! Fantastic post Vix. Thisyear we are ignoring xmas and it feels great. We will eat, drink and either get or be merry. A drive to the coast in the rain, yes it is raining, is on the cards and I feel fabulously chilled out. Sequined knickers and a pair of FM boots, now that is festive!!

  14. Ding Dong! Thigh length boots and naughty knickers, I bet Jon loves Christmas at your house. Your veggie dinner sounds delicious, not a nut roast in sight. Brilliant poem although glad to say I'm not a stereotypical blogger...no onesie, no tree and no prawn ring - like you I did manage to adorn the place with some holly...courtesy of the neighbours. Have a lovely unchristmassy day and see you when the madness is over. xxxx

  15. Love the choice of music and the choice of clothes ! Eeeeyy stripper pants and boots is cool!
    Merry xmas!

  16. You've just made my Christmas, so funny, and you look brilliant! Have a good one x

  17. Its obvious all your hard work wit your exercise routine pays of , you have a fantastic figure , have a fantasia holiday , no doubt you will, I feel like saying merry Christmas will be wasted on you as you are so not a traditional Christmas person , so merry holiday xxxx

  18. Its obvious all your hard work wit your exercise routine pays of , you have a fantastic figure , have a fantasia holiday , no doubt you will, I feel like saying merry Christmas will be wasted on you as you are so not a traditional Christmas person , so merry holiday xxxx

  19. Absolutely love love love it. Wishing you both an amazing Christmas and new year. And wishing you both a speedy return to Goa xxx

  20. Absolutely love love love it. Wishing you both an amazing Christmas and new year. And wishing you both a speedy return to Goa xxx

  21. Really love it! Put something sparkeling between your legs, right? ;) Wishing you a merry christmas!

  22. Vix, you are a legend! Bikinis and stripper knickers and thigh high boots - yes, it's Christmas the Vix way! And I'm sure Jon is MORE than happy with that! You look amazing, of course, and you are, as always, cheeky and funny and sexy and gorgeous and irreverent and sarcastic and unique. Just how I like my pals, in fact!
    Your food and party plans sound just right, hope you enjoy, and I'll see you (but never in a onesie...) on the other side of the madness - love you! xxxxx

  23. wow! what a great way to spend the holidays! you look amazing!

  24. What a foxy little minx you are!!
    Your Christmases sound truly unique and so much fun!

    Enjoy your day tomorrow xx

  25. Now that's celebrating! You're looking fabo, Vix. If Jon's taking the pix, I don't know how he can stand it...stand away, I mean.

    We have our movie picked out for X-mas too. It's that new Simon Peg one called "The World's End" about a pub crawl and aliens I believe.

  26. I truly love reading your posts. Your a hot mamma and a bad ass. I love it.


  27. I truly love reading your posts. Your a hot mamma and a bad ass. I love it.


  28. Oh you beautiful Bollywood Babe. Love your poem. We used to do a rather alternative holiday celebration. We named it Winter Fest. But the kiddies felt sad and longed for a more traditional tradition so there you have it: me in front of the tree. But it's really all about the warm fuzzies no matter how they manifest themselves. So excited about your trip!!! Cheers!

  29. love this vix. only you could pull off an orange bikini on a leather sofa on xmas eve! wishing you the happiest and most peaceful holiday.

  30. Thank you Vix! You just brightened my Christmas immensely.
    I had ben counting the days until my favourite Season, Spring, and hunkering down between snowfalls and here are these delightful warm photos and mentions of scrumptious vegetarian fare.
    You're in marvelous shape! I love the tangerine colour of the bikini you were wearing on the couch and I have great admiration for how brilliantly you rock that string bikini on the beach.
    The location of the coco hut you rented on the beach Xmas day 2005 in Goa looks very inviting.
    My favourite amongst the photos is, of course, the one of you modeling the full brief black lace knickers and thigh-high pvc boots!
    You have done what I am supposed to have been doing on my blog at http://www.full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/ but am over three months tardy with - modeling and reviewing full brief knickers.
    Kudos to you and Jon for having yourselves such a relaxing and enjoyable Christmas. Your traditional vintage print frock is beautiful too. Your post - gift exchange cuisine sounds delicious!
    I hope you and Jon are continuing your delightful Christmas - have a fabulous and wondrous New Year!!!

  31. Love your spirit and love that you do things differenlly
    I'm not crazy about traditional Christmas i would rather be on a beach somewhere with Mr. D, but they are a traditional bunch here but i don't mind, there are a nice bunch -
    Love your bikinis, My God what a bod you have at 47!

    Merry Christmas Vix



  32. LOL ... Love your poem and your Xmas outfits ... I think Jon's getting a lot more than his 15 pound gift for Christmas ... nudge, nudge, wink, wink

  33. Oh my Lordy you are not called a vixen for nothing! Dam girl I thought the suit looked good when you showed it to me but man it's fierce on your rocking bod! I love each picture more than the next and the flash of your sequin knickers it's all too much my Christmas has been made!!!!

    Maybe we can talk tomorrow I'm dying to see you on the flesh! Hot babe!!!!!
    I love you more than sunshine!!!

  34. And the poem you have obviously missed your calling;)))

  35. Bwa-ha-ha! Only you could find such an appropriate way to uncelebrate Christmas. You cheered me immensely with your peekaboo shot and that come-thither-if-you-dare expression. Fantastic rewrite which should be in every children's bookstore. I'll help with the illustrations.
    This is my idea of a holiday, at Christmas or any other time. I can only hope I look that good when I'm 25 too.

  36. I don't know what to say...I just loooove everything!! The outfits, the way you spent Christmas in India and at home (the 1st home that is), the fun outfit with stripper knickers and boots with the maxi dress -- divine!!! That bikini is so sassy.
    You ARE a legend and a Goddess all in one!

    Merry Christmas!

  37. Saucy!

    I am wearing a onesie. Did just go parkrunning, but unlikely to get a hot bod like you!

    Happy Chrimbo! Xx

  38. Happy Christmas from a God-botherer! :-) x

  39. Love the sexy outfits. How refreshing to see a Christmas look that doesn't involve a sweater. And that vacation you guys had on the beach sounds like a dream.

  40. Happy Holidays to one of the most magnificent creatives on the planet!

  41. Now THAT is how to do Christmas! Lordy woman, if I looked as smokin hot as you do in that orange bikini I'd be wearing that on Christmas too. I'm surprised Jon left you alone long enough to do this post. And stripper panties and boots, you are officially my Christmas muse.

    No traditional Christmas stuff going on at my place this year, Fred got some treats and I will be going to a friend's for dinner wearing a blinged up sweater of my own making. A warm hug to both of you!

  42. Lol! Have a great time! I absolutely feel the need for some spicy food too xx

  43. Holy black lace knickers Vix............take that Xmas!!!!!!!
    Squee.........holiday time again......yay!!!!!!
    Wishing you and Jon the most fun ever and happiness always.
    Much love from the other side of the world.
    Love v

  44. Bonito bikini!!
    Feliz Navidad!

  45. love this post soooo much!!!!!!
    my best x-mas ever was a nonexistent in north india, snuggling with an elephant on the evening of 24..
    not bad too in a oasis in the lybian desert of egypt. now we have a (real) tree, but it´s more for the fun of decorating and being childish and playing. and celeb our love ;-)

  46. Ha HA HAppy HOt Holiday to you Vix.
    Ew La La
    Loved the photos

  47. You're Hilarious! Loved the Post... Dawn... The Bohemian

  48. that sounds like a much better christmas then i had! we waited hungrily at my sister house till 3 in the afternoon for her turkey to cook because she didnt turn the oven up high enough! but i got a huge amount of presents so that was ok! I love your take on christmas, strangely very similar to Australian Christmas. bikinis and beaches and rum!

  49. I'm dying of laughter here. The festive pix with the stripper knickers and boots is AMAZING!!!

    I wish I could rock a bikini like you do!! ¡

  50. I am living vicariously through your Goa photos! We have a lot of snow, ice, and cold here. Your Christmas of '05 sounds amazing as does this year's Christmas feast! Yum!

  51. retro christmas is your thing, doll! love these colorful pictures soooo much! ansd those thigh boots, damn! those are made for walking and drooling! ;) happy holidays, babe! xoxo


  52. Vix you made me lol with the drunk bloke & your verse! Seriously that beach hut looks cosy, romantic & with the ocean waves must be tranquil.....better than any Xmas craze.

  53. Loving your vintage Christmas with a twist.
    We had a wonderful traditional family Christmas.
    Have a fabulous time in India and look forward to catching up with you in 2014.
    Jane X

  54. Hi there! Sounds like you've had an amazing time this past couple of days and your holiday pics make me want to be there!! xxx

  55. I love the look and sound of Christmas Day spent on a beach like that. And also the description of this year's punk version! Hope your brother liked his new speakers.

  56. Your Christmas day sounds amazing Vix! I hope you had a good one xoxo

  57. PHWOAR!!!!!
    Ah, I knew I could count on you for some sanity and style at a time of year when the majority completely lose all sense of both!!! Now yours is a Xmas I could handle!!! I'll skip the bikini, however, but match you with thigh boots and frilly stripper knickers! WAHEY!
    You rock my world!
    Love Helga xxxXXXxxx

  58. I absolutely love that lamp shade frame. I cover the frames like yours. Mostly, I see those on movie sets. Or, I make them. Is that a vintage shade? Sorry, so curious. Or, did someone recover the frame?

  59. Fabulous always. You would love the place we moved to. It is about 100 metres from the sea, just about right.You could wear your bikini today,well ove 22ºc, although the spaniards wear coats and boots.
    Glad to be back, my dear queen.

  60. Rocking those boots ..... and the bikinis Vix! Hope you and Jon had a brilliant Christmas xxx

  61. Fecking phwoarrrr! That is all.

  62. Love your alternative Christmas and the food sounds more yummy than turkey! The sequin knickers are fab!

  63. My dear ... you are a gift to our world! Sending you so much love and good energy for the coming year!!

  64. PVC boots? Tsk! You're welcome to my thigh length black leather boots (I'm sure you remember them!) if you'd like them? Saying that, I have no idea where they are, but I know for sure I haven't thrown them out!

  65. Sorry for the late one but I have been slacking!! I hope you had a wonderful xmas and that your new year is great too! <3




  66. the fringe bikini is to die for. wow! ... and this christmas outfit is woooooohoooooohoooowow! you rock he boots and the panties.

    hope you had a fantastic christmas ... have y great start in the new year tonight!!!!

  67. Daaaaayum on those swim suits, you look amazing! Love it! And now you have me dreaming of a Christmas spent in the tropics in a hut sometime hopefully soon ;) I live in Florida, beach central USA, there's no excuse...

  68. Happy New Year to you both! Have a fantastic time! xxxx


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Lots of love, Vix