Thursday, 7 March 2013

Heaven Knows I'm (Not) Miserable Now



This is me at work and I love it. But before you turn off in disgust at my endless cheer and optimism, if you've ever been trapped in a life you hate you'll understand my enthusiasm.

I've mentioned my corporate hell before, how my talent for leadership led to me being head-hunted by a huge corporation while I was still at college & fast-tracked into a career in hospitality management. Power, huge earnings and success were something I'd never craved but I felt obliged to continue, accept the promotions and be the company poster girl as wasn't that what everyone strived for?


Every day was a lie, disciplining people for misdemeanours so trivial it was laughable, driving up profits by setting small companies off against each other, wearing fucking flesh-coloured tights, sensible shoes and no bastard jewellery, smiling at instead of punching the tossers who tried sticking their hands up my skirt when I poured out the Fleurie. Working an average of an 18 hour day so I didn't even have time to go to a friend's funeral and rarely a night passing without a 2am phone call from a security guard worrying that the freezer wasn't functioning or something hadn't been locked up properly.


 I used to get up in the morning and cry with disappointment because I hadn't died in the night. I didn't care what happened to me, I took ridiculous risks, accepted lifts from strangers, got off my head every night and got into strange situations with dangerous people. I cared so little about myself that I stopped wearing make-up. After months and months and months of this I was forced to see the doctor after a mate said I was no fun any more. 

I was diagnosed with clinical depression & given a prescription for anti-depressants (which I tore to bits outside the surgery). Yes, I could have drugged myself into a stupor and continued to sell my soul but instead I decided to fix what had caused the problem in the first place, I took the night bus to work, cleared my office and scribbled my resignation on a Post-it note.


Eventually after a few months without the continual stress balance was restored and I became "me" again. Despite the shitty things that have happened over the last few years every morning I still wake up and feel glad to be alive. Whatever happens to me now at least I'm my own person and I'm free.

Parrot earrings (Supermodel Tamera), Ethnic pendant (California Girl, Heather)

I wear my hair loose, unsubtle make-up, too much bastard jewellery, ridiculously high heels and inappropriate clothes as a reaction for being made to conform for a huge part of my life.

1960s Floral playsuit (Krista-licious), Orange platforms (any groupie's dream, Helga), 1960s suede jerkin (£2, car boot sale in 2012)

Do I miss the automatic respect that comes with wearing a suit, being a top earner or from telling people what I do for a living when asked? Do I hell. I couldn't give a toss if someone assumes I'm an airhead for wearing crazy clothes and living the hedonistic dream, any true friend will accept me whether I'm senior manager or a market trader. We only live one life, make it a happy one.


 This song has absolutely nothing to do with what I've just written but I love hearing it (and seeing the beautiful Yasmin dancing around Havana) always makes me ridiculously happy to be alive.

125 comments:

  1. Gosh - you are a woman to admire !
    I dont know what else to say... accept that. I got sad when i red the text and happy when i was done ! Even moore happy when i looked at the gorgeus woman on the photos !
    xxxxxx Carina

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  2. Sometimes it's important to do what makes you smile rather than what everyone expects of you, but it can be really hard to find the confidence to break away from the expectations. I am glad you managed to get out and find what makes you you :)

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  3. You are a real inspiration when it comes to dealing with the shackles we put ourselves into, and living up to the sad expectations of others. I have a long way to go, but baby steps will hopefully lead to big strides ;)The floral play-suit is gorgeous, how long are your legs lady, lol
    V
    xxx

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  4. Oh Vix your a women after my own heart im on the same journey as you right now we seem to be hitting it at the same time and i have loads of admiration and respect for you. So im raising my 60's dress to you as thats what im wearing today :-)) Here's to finding who you are...being comforatable and enjoying life to the full :-) hugs dee xxxx

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  5. I love having a job that I enjoy going to. Many a day when I'm not feeling well, going to work cheers me up. I've had job's where I hated everyday. My mind set would be "damn it, I didn't fall down the stairs this morning, maybe the bus will crash" Living like that kills your soul and takes all the happiness in life away. I'm so happy you found your calling!

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  6. Well said!!! It's why I got out of teaching to do my own thing as well - I will not conform to what society expects of me - NEVER!! Good on you - we only live once xx

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  7. You are my heroin!! Sometimes is so difficult to take back our life and the journey is always painful as it was for you, but we should never give up with our dreams..
    Even if I still haven't fulfilled all my goals I prefer to live as the real me and not as a ghost.
    That Krista's playsuit is killer on you, you have the most beautiful legs in the blogsphere and the Helgastic groupie shoes are perfect!It's always a joy to come over for a virtual tea with you!
    LOVE xxxxxx

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  8. Vix, thank you so much for this post. I'm totally at that crossroads at the moment, slightly different circumstances but feeling very under pressure. This has helped a lot. xx

    p.s LOVE what you are wearing and that first dress (little bluey coloured tunic style) is bloody amazing. And I LOVE your shoes. xx

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  9. That video has a lot to do with what you've written. You "light up the world" by being yourself and not conforming. I'm so sorry that you went through such a soul-sucking period in your life, but am happy and inspired that you took control of your life and made it what you want it to be. xoxo

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  10. awwh Vix what a timely post. I am sitting at my desk at work, knowing that its well past my expiry date here. Change is scary, but I am at the point where it stares into my eyes every morning when I wake up...you cant ignore the call!
    Thanks for blogging this today, the timing was perfect.

    All the best to you, michelle

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  11. Thank God for that post it note! And hearing your calling and making it happen. I don't want to work for anyone except myself, and sometimes that's hard enough. But at least I don't have to feel like an odd duck, or that I don't fit in. My dog totally appreciates having me home.

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  12. I knew you hated your previous job, but I didn't realise just how much...

    You look so wonderful now, definitely a great career move by you... you'd be wasted in the back office somewhere!

    xxx

    www.mancunianvintage.com

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  13. That song has everything to do with this post because YOU LIGHT UP THE WORLD!!!!! Vix when you said you tore up that prescription for antidepressants that is where you really won me over! We are a culture of treating symptoms and never addressing the real problem, you just cut right to it. It's difficult not getting caught up in wanting to make more and more money but that is not what will bring real lasting happiness. I don't love my job but I don't hate it either, I can work from home and wear what I want and those two things balance out the lack of feeling "good" about what I do.

    Thanks for this all inspiring beautiful post! I knew that jumper would shine on you! I love you so much girl I really really do.
    XXOO

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  14. I'm sitting here wishing I could make a stable living from crocheting stuff and knitting Goth dolls instead of being bullied and pushed into applying for an endless stream of admin/office jobs I don't want. Being jobless is killing me. Crafting and not happy pills is my only way out but some days it's a hard struggle when so called friends tell you you aren't doing enough to get a job!
    I wish I had your guts and determiniation. I do however have a similar 'up yours' attitude which never lets me down

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  15. I've been in a bit of a quandary about work - can you be my careers adviser please?

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  16. WAY TO GO VIX!!!! The merry-go-round of money money money so you can buy "prestige" stuff is ridiculous!!

    It took me getting very very ill to finally jump my type A self off the merry-go-round. I like WHAT I do ( the crazies here not so much) and my attitude is --can't see this place from my house and my paycheck clears every two weeks so I am cool. I don't need a big title or such--been there, done that, got the scrs.

    You look FABULOUS in your cheery mini!! I thought those parrots looked familiar!!

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  17. Sounds bloody hideous Vix especially wearing flesh coloured tights! It takes balls to do what you did even if you had financial stability,(which I'm guessing you did as you say you were a huge earner) and guts and determination not to go down the anti-depressant route. Thanks goodness you resigned or we wouldn't have our regular Vix fix, loving the print on Krista's playsuit btw.
    x

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  18. Fantastic post. One of the best feelings in the world is leaving a job you hate. The lightening of the load is immediate and I love that feeling of being open to what happens next.

    It sounds horrendous, your job and your corporate life. I think it is amazing you stuck it as long as you did. I LOVE the resignation on a post it note. That really made me grin. Onward and upward, you're an inspiration. xxxxxxx

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  19. I'm another one who chooses mental stability and less money over looong hours, wealth and exhaustion! No regrets! xxx

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  20. You're amazing. What a great post ... both the pictures of you at work and the all important story you have to tell.

    What good is the gift of life if it's not worth living? Happiness is the ultimate personal goal that everyone deserves to strive for.

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  21. Well I am glad your happy and I have the upmmost respect for you, gotta admit im curious to see what your corpoate costume was like, its a brave thing you did xx

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  22. I do so admire you. I have never understood the whole thing of working in a job that sucks the soul out of you for money. Not really. Obviously we need to be productive in some way to earn our keep in life so's to speak but too many of us live in a vicious circle of almost it seems living to work.

    I had many jobs that I hated in the past, working for boss's that were arseholes and the like.

    Like you after Boo was born I had PND. After months of living in a pea soup and feeling disconected to life in general I knew I needed help. Of course out came the prescription pad. But I refused. It was about then I rediscovered my love of crafting. It was a bit absorbing in those days a bit manic. But it helped. Much more than any drug. Sometimes we just need to do what we need to do. For us, for our own sanity.

    Love this post today. And you as ever look divine. Keep rocking the good life Vix. Don't (as if you would) ever look back.

    P x

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  23. Vix, I really admire your attitude to life - and work - you're an absolute inspiration. Plus, you always look amazing in whatever you wear (though I bet the flesh-coloured tights were a challenge.) Keep doing what you're doing, you really seem to have got life sussed perfectly.

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  24. you make hedonism look so good vix. kudos to you for correcting such a big wrong in your life. many people never do it. as i've said a zillion times before...you are a walking inspiration. mucho love. juanita

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  25. I thank you for sharing your story and aplaud you loudly for having the balls and good sense to make the amazing life changes that you have made. I love that I have got to meet you via the fabulous world of bloging! Take a bow Vix! :-)

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  26. It's funny how doing what we think is expected of us can make us so unhappy, isn't it? I've had a similar experience in the past (though not as intense as yours). Good on you for getting out of there and being yourself xx

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  27. There is a reason why you are such a style inspiration for so many, myself included. I am very emotional right now- because your story is so right there in my heart- and I am glad the outcome is a good and positive one. The moral of the story for me is be true to yourself and your style and you'll not only succeed but you'll succeed in inspiring others to do the same. You are the spearhead of a cultural revolution, sweet Vix. Thank you so much for sharing this. xo.

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  28. Not many people would have the courage to walk out of the lie and start afresh. Too many would just take the drugs (!) and carry on.
    I always remember the quote - I paraphrase - above all to thineself be true. You're very lucky and you deserve every happiness since you make it xxx

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  29. I fucking love the fact that you left in the dead of night - and on a Post-it. Ha ha ha! Absolute Aces!! High Five me THAT!

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  30. Your job sounded awful and I really admire that you used a post it note to tell them you were leaving.
    I left the corporate world long ago and have no desire to go back or wear the clothes or drive the cars despite having made nothing of my life in the eyes of many people. You are right, there is no point in living an unhappy life.
    On a lighter note, I love your green shoes. They are fabulous.

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  31. Just shows you should read everything before you press enter - should be orange shoes!!!!xx

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  32. And we, your adoring fans, and so frigging grateful you got out of that bullshit fake world and invited us all along to have fun with you in your REAL world! Amen, sister, I so totally hear you!
    And how gloriarse ARE you in that adorable playsuit! I wanna play!!! The shoes go brillantly with it, and you have THE best bastard massive jewellery collection in the UNIVERSE!
    I adore thee.
    Love Helga xxxXXXxxx

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  33. Good on ya Vix. Whaddya you mean you wear "inappropriate" clothing? I'd never noticed! You're fabulous as always. xx

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  34. Hear hear, you are one truly amazing inspiration and absolute proof that the lifestyle you now lead can be achieved and enjoyed-well done to you and Jon too, you both deserve to be living the better and more fun filled life you obviously enjoy leading!! xxxx

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  35. While not the high flyer that you were, I also resigned from a well paid, steady job that I hated so much just over four years ago. When you can't sleep at night, and sit at your desk sobbing every lunch time, you know something is seriously wrong. I went self employed running Dolly Cool full time, and although its hard work, and tough at times, I am happier now than I have ever been. We may have to be a bit more thrifty than most, but that's a way of life for me anyway. Money can't buy you happiness, fact. Good for you for getting out of the hellhole and doing what you love :) x

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  36. wow. You are so strong and I so admire you for daring to break out of that corporate world and doing what you knew was right with you.

    You truly are such an inspiration. I recently tried to return to a career in law (what I did before the children) but experienced a lot of the feelings you describe - from crying in the morning to wishing I was dead, to suffering chronic, not able to move out of bed migranes from the pressure and tension. Although it's put some pressure on us financially, when I found out my contract wouldn't be renewed, I practically cheered.
    One thing your post has made me realise though is that I need to embrace my own style more and dress for how I want to be - I am still stuck in the people pleaser mode of dressing conventionally for fear of judgement (especially from a particular family member). Reading your post has crystallised for me the fact that actually, if they can't accept me for my style as is, then really, they are rejecting the true me.
    Hurrah for authentic living and being what we really want to be.

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  37. Vix, you are amazing. Not only did you have the guts to resign via a post-it, you write honestly about depression and health issues relating to being in a job and a lifestyle that is not right for you. There are definitely things that someone with depression can do, other than take a prescription, but sometimes a prescription is a way to get the confidence and the strength to make the changes. From my experience a balanced combination can work wonders, and so can the support of wonderful friends. Like many of your followers I love you for being you - your bastard jewellry and your mini and your shoes.

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  38. You're amazing! An inspiration. I'm not going to waffle about me and my life but you're making me seriously think about my future! Have you got any apprentice vacancies? x

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  39. Dear, darling Vix, you know I understand completely. Burnout is a terrible thing. Like you, it took months to let go and find myself again when I left. I love that you have taken a moment to reflect, share and express gratitude for your beautiful life as it is today.

    It's said that in order to burn out you need to be on fire in the first place. What we experienced happens most often to people who are very good at what they do. I still have to tell myself that it's okay to be happy and not stressed out. Bet no one on their deathbed has ever wished they'd worked more.

    xxx

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  40. So proud, Vix. I also know what hell taste like, and I am glad to be out of the rat race.
    Much love and a big hug to your inmese heart.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  41. I think this is probably the most passionate post you have written, Vix, and your story says everything there is to say about how to be happy. Joy and contentment don't come from money or status or career success. The thought of you being at some huge corporate monster's beck and call 24 hours a day, wearing fucking flesh coloured tights and conservative suits, and allowing people to treat you badly - even treating yourself badly - is really upsetting. It is so NOT the woman I know.
    These photos show that woman - smiling, content, dressed in colours and a style that's all her own, her own boss, working in a field in which she is expert and which she loves.
    Love that little playsuit, and the spectacular legs, of course! You look great, you look like YOU. Living a lie is no good for anyone's mental health, and I am so glad you had the balls to fix what was wrong in your life and find a better road. You rock, babe! xxxxx

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  42. Me encantan tus zapatos!!
    Saludos
    http://judithbysucre.blogspot.com.es

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  43. I know you'd told me previously how you left the corporate world, but not why. No job is worth losing your health and well-being for. I've had a few jobs myself that saw me crying in the morning when it was time to start work. You rock at what you do now x

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  44. HI MY BEAUTIFUL VIX!

    I just sent this post to my Facebook page, as it is so inspiring to see someone kicking fear in the ass, and choosing to live!!!!!

    Many people are so afraid of losing that they never try and never blossom. Just exist....

    I love you so :)
    xoxoxoxoxoxox!
    Reva

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  45. How can I not adore you for chasing your happiness despite everything. It's what I try and do every day. Just because things happen in life and it is tough at times doesn't mean one should surrender to it. It's a time and chance to fight against it and become even more brilliant because of it. That my dear Vix is what you have done in bucket loads. I'm so thankful you did what you had to do and that we have your fabulous self gracing our computer screens and have your words of encouragement and support.

    Always stay fabulous, always be free. Much love to you dear Vix.

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  46. wow! its amazing you had the balls to sort your life out, i have a question though - i am wanting to do this, resign - i mean i completely understand the misery of waking up and realising i have to go in to work, when i thought about resigning my life became sweeter- how did you cope financially? i know it's a personal question but this is my concern - thanks again for such an inspirational post x

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  47. @ Maria - this old post may help. You'll have to copy and paste it into your browser.
    http://vintagevixon.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/dream-on.html

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  48. I can totally relate. I quit my job (granted it was a stupid serving job, but I'd had it for YEARS) and started my little biz. We have suffered quite a bit financially but it was killin' me.
    Love the song and I'm glad you're happy now :)
    Becky

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  49. You are an AMAZING inspiration! you've just put my shitty week into perspective and I thankyou x

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  50. You are such an inspiration, Vix... to not settle for the mundane, the path that blind sheep follow. You took control of your life and turned it round.... we only live once, let's make it worthwhile!

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  51. Vix have I told you how gorgeous you are lately?
    X

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  52. Great post, I did exactly the same thing about 10 years ago and never regretted it. When you start being yourself life might not always be a bag of laughs but at least it's real. Good on ya !!
    Twiggy x

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  53. thank you for sharing so much about your life. you are a beautiful person. thank god you found your soul. you look great in a shorter dress. I wish you luck in your life. lucyx

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  54. Agree! Make your life a happy one.
    Do what you enjoy, wear what you want to wear... and who gives a lick what anyone else thinks about it.
    GREAT ATTITUDE!
    Your Gorgeous and I never once thought of you as a airhead. I have always admired you... from the very first post I ever read of yours I knew you were awesome!

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  55. Such wise words Vix. Sometimes its so scary to take the leap and not conform to everyone's expectations, but you can't keep pushing against yourself. It's far better to be happy. X

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  56. really a great post, did the same thing last year, but in a personal relationship. I think medication can only help you (if ever) for a short time, but the real work is up to yourself. you and nobody else is able to detect your personal issues and it's up to you fixing it. sounds simple but is in fact hard work. but really worth the price - a free, self-oriented life. people who have made that process totally will understand your enthusiasm - so do I :)

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  57. Fucking bang on baby! Here's to having a job you enjoy and I love to see you looking so happy.
    I resigned from a shit job ten years ago... one compromise too many and that was it. Life is too short.
    Bloody loves ya.
    Em
    xxxxxxxxxxx

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  58. I lost my job at the end of december, the company I worked for is on the brim of bankrupcy...I sat mulling over the loss for a while and then when I realized I was finally free to live my life as I wanted with less money but at least free of the nightmare of having to deal every day with a terrible and cruel boss..now I work here and there as an English language coach, translator, interpreter, I make less money but the thing is that now I'm spending a lot less money onthe stuff we need, because I've got more time to hunt for bargains and buy second hand, before I went to a huge mall on saturday and bought everything spending hundreds of euros on pre-cooked or frozen because I came home and 9 pm every day and the last thing I wanted to do was cooking a meal. Now I've got the time to go to farmers' markets make more thoughtful choices and cook all my meals from A to Z including bread..so yes I'm much happier now and stronger because I realized I don't need that much prestige and possessions to be happy.

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  59. It is so hard for any person to find the path that is right for them, especially when we are so often pushed or fall into things that aren't the right fit. Well done for recognising that and going in search of what was best for you xxx

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  60. So much TRUTH here! I'm also an escapee from a corporate world merry go round. The rat race owns us no longer. We are lucky to have got away. And now having done our time we know gratitude for this freedom. Life is for living! Enjoy. Minerva ~

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  61. I've never had the nerve to give up my office job (of 30 years next year!!) but did go part time several years ago as a compromise wich allowed me more time to myself and to focus on my vintage fairs (which I've being doing for nearly as long!). I love your ATTITUDE! Love that gorgeous red dress a couple of posts ago - you look stunning. M x

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  62. Hey Vix I just love what you have put into words here, we all find ourselves walking a path that is just so wrong.
    I can relate in so many ways and have discovered that its all about seeing the moments when life gives you a choice, to stay the same or take a leap of faith and JUMP!!!!!
    Fear is the biggest problem for many people and the dreaded question "what if".
    It's about being true to you and living a life that allows yourself "Happiness"!!!!!!
    I think you are just so special, true colour in a sea of grey. Much love V

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  63. Three cheers for bastard jewellery! I'm still pretty happy without makeup though, I found it irritating that I was expected to wear it at work, in order to look 'professional'. I want to wear it when I feel like it, not cos businesses feel commerce will grind to a halt if women show what their actual skin looks like!

    Your suitability and love for your job now shines out of you - which can only help you succeed.
    xx

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  64. Every time you tell us more about your previous corporate life I marvel - both with incredulity that the job you performed seems so very unlike the Vix we have all grown to adore - and with admiration that you walked away from a living that stifled you so utterly.
    For some people diagnosed with clinical depression, medication is absolutely the right route to take to address the illness. However, it's clear that for you, the job was simply strangling your spirit. Your daily joy in now doing what you want to do is infectious.

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  65. Yay Yay Yay! You're living the dream!
    x
    love that playsuit.

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  66. Fantastically inspiring post, Vix! Living the dream... Living the dream!!! -xo

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  67. All too often our lives are hemmed in by a very harmful and totally manufactured belief that the best way to get from A to B (cradle to grave) is to walk the beaten path. I can count on one hand the times a teacher during my school years encouraged thinking outside the box or pushing the boundaries. There were far too many stuffed shirts just wanting to churn out bricks for the wall. When you are brought up on a diet of “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down” you will inevitably develop an aversion to striking out and leaving the fold. It really saddens me to think that there are people up and down this country (and the world) hating their lives because of what they have to do for a living and I can only hope that some of them will read your post and be inspired to act on their unhappiness before spiralling into the much darker realms of depression, self-loathing and self-abuse. If you are wise to the ways of the society that we live in, if you avoid the pitfalls of credit card debt and spending money that you haven’t got on shit that you really don’t need, then there is no reason to why anybody should have to remain an unwilling wage slave for the rest of their days. Where there’s a will, there’s a way & even tiny baby steps can lead to the top of an amazing mountain.
    You are truly a marvel Vix, keep on inspiring and being a gorgeous creature of light and unbridled positivity :)
    Loads of love,
    Jennie
    xXx

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  68. Wonderful post Vix! It is amazing how corporate hell sucks the life and soul out of people. It's so sad too that it can lead people to suffer depression and medicated existences to cope. The best thing that happened to me was being redundant from a job I hated which gave me the time and money to go live in Spain for a while and pursue a dream. I've had to return to corporate hell for the time being but I've managed to insist on a work life balance that means I have time for the things I love doing. I do often miss not having to wear a suit!

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  69. And I salute you! You did a good thing escaping the rat race and found something that makes you happy and you love and are good at!xxx

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  70. And I salute you! You did a good thing escaping the rat race and found something that makes you happy and you love and are good at!xxx

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  71. Wonderful post...love your nails.;)

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  72. Wow! I hadn't known of your high-powered background in corporate hospitality management. Yikes! What a trip. I'm glad you saved your sanity. Your colourful outfits are gorgeous and I love your lipstick!

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  73. Vix, I lived that life! I finally got moved off the project that did it to me. Then I got laid off in January. That was something I had always feared and stressed out about. Then I realized how lucky I was because I could have instead been forced back to my old position. Now I feel in control of where I'm going and I swear that reading about your story is what made me realize that NO JOB is better than a bad job and life is too important to let a corporation kill you.

    Now, if only I could manage to wear shoes like you....

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  74. So good for you....getting out of the corporate world when you did! You are living the dream that many strive for. Love those heels too!
    Denise

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  75. Vix, I am so happy for you! You make my heart sing. xoxo

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  76. Vic, you are my hero. I loved this post, but I love them all. I watched that interview video you did and hearing your voice was so fun. Now when I read your words, I hear that happy English voice.

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  77. Fix vix Vic damn autocorrect!

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  78. You are so lucky, and you didn't wait until you were so old and ill that you couldn't still enjoy your life! Every morning when my alarm clock goes off, I wish I didn't have to go in to a 40-hour prison. I work for a good company, but it's an office full of people I wouldn't normally spend time with. So, good for you! I hope I can break out before waiting for retirement!!

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  79. Somehow it all seems reasonable.You had probably not been headhunted for the heinous company or you could'nt have jumble sale as a living if you were'nt intelligent.And your intelligence evident in many ways. You seem like a very kind person, you have like 1267523723576 followers and I think that you make all of us feel that we have a personal relationship with you :-) You seeme humble and unpretentious, and I believe that it's only those who are satisfied with their lives and who have collected both good and bad experiences in life that can usually combine that with beeing extremely good looking and to be confident in their style, etc etc

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  80. I was in the corporate world for 15 years...I feel your pain!

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  81. you.are.my.hero.
    i can't imagine someone as ridiculously awesome as you could have ever worn nude tights and no make-up.you are freaking amazing!

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  82. Great philosophy to live by, Vix. I did the corporate thing for a few years and actually tried to fit in ... But never did. I was always the sensitive artsy-fartsy and the peeps I worked with were aggressive shitheads. No wonder you got depressed if you worked with peeps like that. Instead I 'settled' for the life of an underpaid writer. I devised my own local shopping column and, as you say, did it my way. I didn't make the big bucks but I made it on my own, and was so happy - and my boho lifestyle led me to the thrifting life! Kudos to you for doing what many seem scared to do (which is so ironic, when you think of it - it should be natural to follow your heart!). Xoxo

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  83. ... wearing fucking flesh-coloured tights LMAO - planning my escape - twelve months to go - love my job - hate the bullcrap that has become part of it. EXCITING!! SCAREY!!!!

    Was wearing a 1940s men's dressing gown as a coat yesterday (y'know one of the check mohair jobbies with the braid on the cuffs) with a huge fake fur collar stuck on it - thinking about all the interwebs fine ladies who eschew flesh-coloured tights :)

    Love you - keep lighting up the world xx

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  84. thanks for the advice, i was actually thinking of setting up an ebay business (3 children creates a whole lot of clutter and stuff!)i can't begin to tell you how much you have helped, thank you x

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  85. Sometimes life has a way of just telling us to stop and do what makes us happy. I feel more in control of my own life since I stopped listening to others ideas of what I should do...if i make mistakes they are my mistakes.
    I think there is a mini revolution going on, people fed up of doing what is expected of them and spending every waking hour working for what seems like nothing...I could rant for hours! xx

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  86. my dear lady, so glad you're enjoying every day of your actual job and live!!!, it's wonderful when you feel that kind of freedom after years of dull and soul sucker jobs! (yes, I understand it very well, I'm also a fugitive of a rat race world!)
    Watching your great attitude and colorful style cheers up my day!, so pretty prints, fabulous bijouterie and funny earrings!!
    muchos besos

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  87. What a great story, well done you for turning it around to do something you love x

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  88. You're wearing so colourful clothes, it's hard to believe in your depression!

    Keep my fingers croosed, best wishes!

    xoxo,

    Caayenne.

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  89. Every time you tell that story I am so happy for you! Not enjoying work is definitely a horrible thing, because it takes up so much time, you might as well love it!

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  90. Absolutely LOVED this post, Vix - great inspiration for anybody in a life they don't love. xx

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  91. Amazing post, you are so right. Glad you tore up the prescription.

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  92. and you inspire.....don't fotget that!!x

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  93. BRAVO VIX! I was a solicitor specialising in domestic violence, hated my life, became depressed and the company went tits up in the last recession.

    No more law for me, got a job as a house mother working with young adults with learning difficulties. JOY!

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  94. Vix, lovely post! I always enjoy finding out a person's history (either work or family life) because it help me understand the place that they are now. All of those late nights, all the stress and the lack of self-love were terrible but they lay the way for how happy and loving you are now.
    Besitos,

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  95. My god, I just can't imagine you living that previous life Vix. You are just so colourful and fun to be that corporate person!! xx PS on a similar note, would kill or die for those orange shoes xx

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  96. I'm the complete opposite in many ways, in that I did a job I adored for absolute peanuts and no recognition. I poured my heart and soul into it and then out of the blue got made redundant. That took a some getting over and I hate the fact I am still bitter about it because that is not the kind of person I am. I did promise myself that I will never, ever give that much of myself to a job again.

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  97. This post is exactly what I needed to read right now. I have so many dreams of traveling and just being free, yet I feel so stuck in this cubicle of corporate hell. Yes I have a job and can pay my bills, but am I happy? NO. I am going through the exact same thing at the moment, even to the point where I have stopped wearing my beloved makeup. This post really inspired me to do the things I have always wanted to do in life. Thanks Vix. This is something I really needed to read. You are awesome :)

    becks
    http://fabulous-junk.blogspot.com

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  98. I wish I could bottle up what you have a give it to the student whose parent I sat with today. Their child suffers form depression and has made two suicide attempts. All power to you. You made the right choice.

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  99. You, in so few words, have made a better job of giving everyone inspiration than so many of those so-called 'self help' books! You're living in the real world - and you're all the more fabulous for it! xxx

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  100. You'll be pleased to know that I cannot for a moment imagine the Vix who lived the life of a corporate whore!
    I can understand why you were headhunted, and being young, unemployed and at a point you weren't 100% sure you wanted to do, everything sort of 'happens'. That very strength of character which got you where you were in corporate hospitality, is what also released you.

    Being 'true to yourself' is so often seen as a cliché. Really though, there's nothing more important.

    The impact you have on us is immense. Nobody should be waking up daily feeling doomed.
    I'm so glad I found your blog, my life here drives me crazy sometimes, but there's a huge light in the form of real women, like you, who simplify life. Your motto about clothes..... If it doesn't make you feel fabulous..... extends to life in general.

    Thanks Vix, don't ever conform!

    Lucy x

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  101. What an interesting post, Vix, and how great that you broke free and found what makes you happy! I can tell that you're fulfilled now because you look so comfortable and beautiful in your own skin and style.

    Like you I broke free from the corporate world, although mine was a much more lowly position, in the years when I had to fund myself through training before I could reach my vocation. Like you, I've never looked back, despite having a limited budget. Quality of life is more important than having lots of money, provided one has enough to survive.

    p.s. look at those gorgeous legs of yours! You're inspiring me to get mine out more too!

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  102. that playsuit was made for you. I love it with the dark green tights and orange red heels. delish! well done for quitting, you know my thoughts on working, I'm not so good at sticking with it. Well done for putting up with it for so long and now you have your ideal job! xxxx

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  103. Not sure how I missed this post, but HURRAY for you! (Selfishly, I think how much more colorful my life is because my path crossed yours at THIS time of your life instead of during those dark days of your depression.)

    I wish I could just move into this post with all its photos of your home's interior. You KNOW how intrigued I am by its unique & free spirit...


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  104. Your post inspired me to go back and look at your early blogs and it's true- you look so much happier now! I too have struggled with depression and I thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts with such honesty. It is a hideous disease and in my case was brought on by a serious illness. It took time to heal and now life is good, and enriched by reading your wonderful blog.

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  105. YAY that woman! I too have struggled through life between the ability to achieve in that corporate world and leaving it. I've dipped in and out throughout my life, to earn money as and when needed but I find it enormously unfulfilling, too controlling and quite frankly depressing. I am in it again at the minute though have chosen the local govt low pay route, less pressure, can pay the bills but still about to start to branch out again!

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  106. Good for you, so glad that you are happy with your life, there are so many people who are not. I can certainly identify with what you are saying. I got accepted on a Graduate Scheme in a mobile phone call centre after i finished university. I used to have to monitor that people spent no more than 3 minutes in the toilet. I feel so much more me now I am not in the corporate world. I also refuse to wear a suit and flesh coloured tights anymore.

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  107. I love this post and I'm in admiration of your decision to leave the "safety" of the corporate world and pursue being true to yourself. Even with the stress and depression, I'm sure it still wasn't a simple thing to walk away from. I'm in a situation now where I'm going to have to take some big risks, and I admit to dragging my heels a bit. So I appreciate your story.

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  108. Vix, you're my hero, and I love that you share who you are, no pretense. I'm still living with a job that sometimes I love, and sometimes contributes to mental health issues, not because of the job itself, but rather management issues. I can't wear whatever I want to work, but I do try to capture a bit of joy and individuality when I can. I do have a fantasy that keeps me going, and am hoping to make a huge lifestyle change when The Teen is on her feet and The Professor retires in 7 years.

    Have I mentioned that I adore you?

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  109. I loved reading the comments for this post - all the women your story inspired! I am just so glad that you tore up that prescription and realized that is was your life, and not your brain that needed a change. I had a job I hated, and was so miserable it was making me physically ill, and I took a chance on a lower paying job just to get out, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Having to stifle your true self day in and day out is a slow death.

    I may not be able to give up working for someone else for a long time, but I make the most of my time outside of my job and am so happy to have people like you in my life to remind me what really matters!

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  110. You became one off my role models. I really admire your strenght. Going through a depression is hard. And I am sorry to hear about yours. I am glad that you are doing fine now and it really shows. You are always looking stunning and gorgeous in your photo's.
    For me, I love my job, only the long hours (and airco) are a bit of a problem. Maybe one day I will have the courage to say goodbey to it and do what I really love. (selling old furniture and vintage stuff just like you).
    You are my hero!!!
    xxxxx Jolanda.

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  111. Damn, I wrote you a big long comment and it disappeared. I loved this post Vix, I was in the same place myself, not because of a high powered jobs but family problems and putting everyone else's needs first all the time meant I hated my life too. I'd wake up and dread the day ahead of me. I was advised by friends to take antidepressants too, but I felt like I didn't want to just mask my problems, I wanted to sort them out, and I do tend to be a bit melancholy sometimes but that's part of me, when I'm happy I want to know it's real, not just the medication working. It actually scares me a bit how many of my friends and people I know in general are on antidepressants, I feel like I'd love to know them as they really are, without the tablets, though I don't condemn anyone who takes them, we all have to deal with things the way that works for us personally. Phew, this has turned into a long comment Vix, it was just so interesting to read how you turned your life around and changed it for the better. My life is still a long way from perfect but I'm so much happier now I've started pleasing myself more. xx

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  112. I love that umbrella! It is ultimate perfection!


    www.trendinginfashion.blogspot.com

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  113. wow that was really a private and honest insight into your past and i totally appreciate that, to get to know you as person and not only as the style icon. I always thought you must have a strong personality and now i can see you went through tough things and made the decision to live your life now as you want to live it and for that i really admire you and you really can be proud of yourself!
    oh and last but not least you look sooo good in your ridiculous high high heels and tights;)
    love and kiss,mary

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  114. Hi Vix

    You look fab as usual I adore those red shoes and they look amazing with the tights....love that look. x

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  115. I love the end of this story. Takes alot of guts to do what you did. Bravo!!!!
    xo
    d

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  116. I love this post :)
    I have had the misfortune to be stuck in a situation because it was expected of me to stay and it made me utterly miserable. The day I decided I wasn't doing so anymore, I felt a huge weight had been lifted xxx

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  117. I love your blog and your style is so retro and fun, you are one of my favorite reads everyday. I was wondering what your ebay name is i would love to be able to buy some of you vintage finds that you said before you auction. I love retro fashion and ebay is amazing for it:)

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  118. What is your ebay sellers name i would love to buy some of the vintage finds you have said you sell:)

    Love your style!

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  119. I loved this post, you are such an inspiration and I'm so pleased for you that you had the courage to escape a life that made you unhappy and are now fulfilled and joyful every day!!

    Lxxx

    www.whatlisawrote.blogspot.co.uk

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  120. @ Longwindysummernights
    Thank you! I don't sell on ebay any more, I trade at vintage and collector's fairs and hopefully on my own website, coming soon! x

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  121. Thank you once again for an inspirational story-you are so full of them!

    This post is perfect for International Women's Day as I think so many women feel trapped by something in their lives. It's great to read the comments left by others in addition to your story to see how similar we all really are.

    Nice to know we are in good company and there are women who have gone through tough situations and have come out stronger from it, gives hope. And, it's a truly a gift when these women hold a hand out to try to help others like you do, my Dear! Thanks for that!!:)

    And God Bless the NHS to allow you to be self employed and not have to worry about health insurance!;)

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  122. Well done you for being brave (and having the foresight) to quit your job rather than taking the pills. That must have taken a lot of courage.

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  123. Wow. Thanks for telling it like it is - or was?! I say this from across the oceans in Australia. This post and the rest of your blog inspires me. As you can tell from my blog (50 Shades of Unemployment) I am unemployed - have been for several months. Currently it's like swimmining upstream, trying to get a job (& the respect that goes along with it). What you have written, however, reminds me of the b*llsh*t we often have to put up with once we're entrenched in the often chaotic, and competitive 9 to 5 corporate world. Best of Luck.

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xxx