This is me at work and I love it. But before you turn off in disgust at my endless cheer and optimism, if you've ever been trapped in a life you hate you'll understand my enthusiasm.
I've mentioned my corporate hell before, how my talent for leadership led to me being head-hunted by a huge corporation while I was still at college & fast-tracked into a career in hospitality management. Power, huge earnings and success were something I'd never craved but I felt obliged to continue, accept the promotions and be the company poster girl as wasn't that what everyone strived for?
Every day was a lie, disciplining people for misdemeanours so trivial it was laughable, driving up profits by setting small companies off against each other, wearing fucking flesh-coloured tights, sensible shoes and no bastard jewellery, smiling at instead of punching the tossers who tried sticking their hands up my skirt when I poured out the Fleurie. Working an average of an 18 hour day so I didn't even have time to go to a friend's funeral and rarely a night passing without a 2am phone call from a security guard worrying that the freezer wasn't functioning or something hadn't been locked up properly.
I used to get up in the morning and cry with disappointment because I hadn't died in the night. I didn't care what happened to me, I took ridiculous risks, accepted lifts from strangers, got off my head every night and got into strange situations with dangerous people. I cared so little about myself that I stopped wearing make-up. After months and months and months of this I was forced to see the doctor after a mate said I was no fun any more.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression & given a prescription for anti-depressants (which I tore to bits outside the surgery). Yes, I could have drugged myself into a stupor and continued to sell my soul but instead I decided to fix what had caused the problem in the first place, I took the night bus to work, cleared my office and scribbled my resignation on a Post-it note.
Eventually after a few months without the continual stress balance was restored and I became "me" again. Despite the shitty things that have happened over the last few years every morning I still wake up and feel glad to be alive. Whatever happens to me now at least I'm my own person and I'm free.
|Parrot earrings (Supermodel Tamera), Ethnic pendant (California Girl, Heather)|
I wear my hair loose, unsubtle make-up, too much bastard jewellery, ridiculously high heels and inappropriate clothes as a reaction for being made to conform for a huge part of my life.
|1960s Floral playsuit (Krista-licious), Orange platforms (any groupie's dream, Helga), 1960s suede jerkin (£2, car boot sale in 2012)|
This song has absolutely nothing to do with what I've just written but I love hearing it (and seeing the beautiful Yasmin dancing around Havana) always makes me ridiculously happy to be alive.